A Torn Heart

Home is an interesting concept.  What is home? I've always associated it with my family based out of Denver.  But is it the region or is it my parents?  I cannot help but wonder if my parents were ever to move away from the house I've grown to love and call my sanctuary, that home wont be the same.  There's a sense of pride when I tell people that I'm a Coloradan; I get shivers down my spine when I see or hear "Denver" and that swelling of pride rushes through my body.  I'm not sure that will ever dissipate for as long as I live.  But I've begun to be attached to this new world, this new place where I've begun my higher education.  It reminds me so much of Colorado yet it's not.  And I'm torn by it.  I miss it and the people I've grown to love and be a part of.  Suddenly the people back "home" aren't as satisfying as the people in my other life.  No matter where I am I long for the other place.  I long to be "home".  I desperately wish that the two places could merge into one.  That I could have both in my life at the same time.  But on the occasions where they do overlap, they clash unlike anything I've ever known; like plaid on polka dots.  And it's not just my life that I've witnessed this clash happen to, it's others' as well.  This can't be a healthy way to live my life.  I want to change how every time I have nothing to do, I find myself thinking of the other "home".  Yet it is something I find occupying my thoughts.

I loved competing in Colorado again.  It was nice to be in one of my homes with my family and some of my closest friends from my childhood.  I just loved competing around a place so full of memories and so familiar.  Plus, Castor and I were finally reunited as a team in the show ring for the first time in 15 months.  And what is a better comeback than in the place that I grew up!  Perhaps it is the sorrow in my heart that it is over that is talking.  I keep looking at pictures and want there to be one more round, one more week.  I don't want to leave but I'm excited to be back with my horse and friends summering over at school.

Distance can either make a relationship thrive or diminish it.  If there is anything I've learned the last two years it is that.  You learn who is truly important in your life and who matters the most.  You learn what friendship actually is and how it is defined within your newer and older relationships.  You begin to understand the importance of life, and what's worth fighting for.  You begin to understand what a torn heart is.

I'm an addict

There's nothing that compares to feeling the power of hooves under you.  The power of the horses flank as they push off the ground.  The feeling in your stomach as you feel the stride of the horse, the swift rising and falling.  For the moment you are one.  One team, one horse, one rider.  One.  And I'm terribly addicted to it.  Addicted to the sun on my back, the wind in my face and the snorting of my horse.  Sinking deep into the saddle right before the jump; the rush of arch in their back as you go hurdling over, the thrill as the horse steps down from the jump and the prospect of the next one.  Yep I'm addicted and that's all I can think about.  The next fence, the next ride.  I believe I can fly!

Functions of Mankind

I came up with this analogy while texting one night.  People are like points in the complex plane since we are complex, involve i and are irrational and rational.  Functions are our actions and they map to and away from us.  There are millions of functions as there are millions of actions.  Objects can be denoted in the R1 plane.  More complex ideas and thoughts are located in the Rnth planes.  Since the Rnth planes are infinite, there are infinite ideas and thoughts.  Every time we act we call upon a function to map us to that thought, idea, place or object.  Every second of every moment in time we are mapping functions and connections.  Therefore, since people can have the same thoughts, the same objects, the same ideas we are linked inadvertently to everyone.  If this is indeed the case then we affect and effect each and every person on this planet.  A fundamental function maps us to to the earth, to the land we walk on, to the air we breathe, to the water we drink.  And everyone is effected by this function.  This function is NOT one-to-one it's one to over 7 billion.  Yet we continue to abuse this function.  We abuse this function by creating war, by using our connections to promote superiority over another, to inflict conflict.  Yet we don't see how we are all mapped to each other through this basic function.  We don't see how one thought mapped to a person gets diverted to another, thus mapping them to this thought, thus mapping another.  Sooner or later the world is mapped to this one thought and how we affect each other.  How war effects the neutral country.  How war effects our children and their children.  How we are all linked to each other.

People are irrational.  People are rational.  People are complex.

Some Fun Quotes

I used to keep a quote book of a bunch of ridiculous quotes that my friends and I said or that we found funny in high school but since then I've stopped.  However, I can't resist posting these two that I've encountered.  They are priceless! (well for me they are) Possibly because I encountered them late in the evening when I was loopy and needed to go to bed :D

Nevertheless, here they are:

1. "Actually that's a lie.  I saw him at Eva's Halloween Party but I dressed up like a mime so I couldn't talk to him" - Me

2. "Check your clocks snow lovers... It's a quarter past POW!" - Copper Mountain Facebook Team

I have definitely encountered the best Pandora station as well! Mumford and Sons.  Check it out! Do it! For now, Peace out homeskillets!!

Hit up the Pow and Jump the Moon

Best night ever with le beau! It was much needed especially after the night with the broken window.  Today I've had to write a paper in spanish, which is on the verge of completion.  I just want to put it off a little longer... I do enjoy being able to communicate in another language and I'm trying to figure out if it's something that I want to pursue or not... make it a minor? what about a physics minor too? and the honors degree? perhaps.  I did enjoy my honors classes last year.  I think there's going to be a much needed exploration in my future.  Exploration of culture.  I love LOVE culture! It fascinates me!!! Great expeditions class next year?? I think yes!!

I've decided that's its time to start listening to lyrics... not just the sound, the music, THE LYRICS! It's time for a Switchfoot session for sure!

I think I should become a Buddhist.  Meditation might help with some of this... add it to the to do list I suppose.  Does this mean I can eat more Chiboni (IDK spelling)  I'm beginning to love that stuff!! haha I kinda want some protein powder and one of those shake things too!! Or better yet! get one of those shake things and some chocolate powder or something... I don't need it but some protein before I ride might be nice... or rather after.  I do love my horse.

He was such a nut the other day! He would twist his tongue in his mouth and then bite it and prick his ears forward when I started playing with it. (I mean come ON you can't resist touching a horses tongue!) then he licked my entire face! Gosh I miss spending everyday with him... maybe sometime soon...

Too bad I can't be a barn bum and a ski yuppie and just live my life that way... but for now, SCHOOL! I like learning too, don't kid me wrong.  If I could just learn for a living and be in school for the rest of my life and ride and ski, I would be the happiest person on the face of the earth... Hit up the POW and JUMP THE MOON!! :D

The life as an RA

Last night while on call I had the lovely opportunity to deal with a broken window on the third floor.  And naturally this occurrence could not occur at 10pm when it's fairly easy to get a hold of people but rather at 2am during our last set.  Yes! up til 3:30am again! Just what I needed in my life.  Because, who needs sleep?? Third time being on call in a row that I've had to deal with shenanigans... awesome! -.-

What's in a Blog

What is in a blog??

I've asked myself this question for the last couple of weeks now, ever since I decided that I wanted to start blogging, but I have no idea what to write about or post.  Sure, I could talk about my life or my horse or whatever but is that boring? I'm not sure...

I figured it would come to me eventually, if I just started writing but so far, no luck? Perhaps I'll give it a few more days. Who has the time being an RA to endure all of this and actually have time to sit down and think...  That's what I miss most... Thinking.   I like thinking.  I miss thinking.  Sometimes we are so afraid of ourselves. So afraid to let our minds wander.  We keep so busy with everything around us.  We see how many activities we can cram into a 24 hour day.  We call it "productivity" but is it? Is productivity a physical action or is thinking productivity? Perhaps I'll explore these ideas in more depth later on...

For now, I have managed to find a time when no one in the entire building is doing laundry! I never thought I would see the day! Mark it! Wed. afternoons are officially laundry days for the rest of the semester!