Home is an interesting concept. What is home? I've always associated it with my family based out of Denver. But is it the region or is it my parents? I cannot help but wonder if my parents were ever to move away from the house I've grown to love and call my sanctuary, that home wont be the same. There's a sense of pride when I tell people that I'm a Coloradan; I get shivers down my spine when I see or hear "Denver" and that swelling of pride rushes through my body. I'm not sure that will ever dissipate for as long as I live. But I've begun to be attached to this new world, this new place where I've begun my higher education. It reminds me so much of Colorado yet it's not. And I'm torn by it. I miss it and the people I've grown to love and be a part of. Suddenly the people back "home" aren't as satisfying as the people in my other life. No matter where I am I long for the other place. I long to be "home". I desperately wish that the two places could merge into one. That I could have both in my life at the same time. But on the occasions where they do overlap, they clash unlike anything I've ever known; like plaid on polka dots. And it's not just my life that I've witnessed this clash happen to, it's others' as well. This can't be a healthy way to live my life. I want to change how every time I have nothing to do, I find myself thinking of the other "home". Yet it is something I find occupying my thoughts.
I loved competing in Colorado again. It was nice to be in one of my homes with my family and some of my closest friends from my childhood. I just loved competing around a place so full of memories and so familiar. Plus, Castor and I were finally reunited as a team in the show ring for the first time in 15 months. And what is a better comeback than in the place that I grew up! Perhaps it is the sorrow in my heart that it is over that is talking. I keep looking at pictures and want there to be one more round, one more week. I don't want to leave but I'm excited to be back with my horse and friends summering over at school.
Distance can either make a relationship thrive or diminish it. If there is anything I've learned the last two years it is that. You learn who is truly important in your life and who matters the most. You learn what friendship actually is and how it is defined within your newer and older relationships. You begin to understand the importance of life, and what's worth fighting for. You begin to understand what a torn heart is.
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